An Aussie Mum living in the UK

On Thursday was my birthday. I went out for dinner with L and her Mum and came home at 1am. I had arranged a babysitter for the night for the kids. I went to bed and L took the babysitter home and came back to my house. She went to bed about 1.30am. She heard noises downstairs at 1.35am and called my mobile at 1.37am to see if I was up and out of bed - why I would have my phone with me is beyond me! She fell asleep and didn't think anything else of the noises till the following morning when I got up out of bed...

Down stairs I went to find my front door wide open and my laptop gone. OK, I can live with that, nothing else has gone, not the kids laptop that they needed to walk past to get to mine, not my MP3 player, not my handbag hanging on the bannister, just my laptop.

I reported the theft to the local police and gave them the details of the babysitter and informed them that the babysitter had friends over without my permission etc etc. End of story.

Saturday morning as L went to walk out to her car to go to work she found the laptop sitting beside my front gate in a bag. It wasn't there the day before, so someone had returned the laptop.

Another call to the police and forensics came out to take prints.

Monday the phone rang and it was the police again, they have been speaking to the kids and think that one of them is about to crack. We'll see what happens.

What an interesting way to spend the beginning of June.

WOO HOO!!! I'm getting older and I'm happy about that!

The kids were up early this morning to give me my cards that they had made, little did they know that I went to be at 2am and it was only 6am! The cards were cute, such love put into them.

I finally got out of bed at 10am, tried to get in the shower but got a call from my best mate in Aus and he had me in fits of laughter. I finally got my shower and woke up L, she stayed the night so that she could be here on my birthday, how sweet! Then it was off to a local cafe for breakfast, then home, then a surprise visitor and then out shopping. I am going out to dinner with L and her Mum tonight into London, so that should be fun, I have kind of adopted L's Mum, my Mum didn't even call me today...

S called around last night with some CD's for my birthday, I thought that he had the hint now that things were not going to work out, hopefully he will soon, but I'll enjoy the CD's!

G called me early this morning, he wanted to wish me a great day and wished that he was here to celebrate it with me. Oh well, not long now till he comes home!

And to my SF, thanks. You know what I am saying thanks for!

Can't put my finger on it, it just is.

I cried today when I picked the kids up at school, I cried when I got home, I cried when I was in the car...

I broke my glasses today at work and don't know whether I should just buy another pair or try and get them fixed - they are titanium and I didn't think that were meant to break.

I've locked the garage door and can not get it open so will need to get D the neighbour to help me out in the morning.

The kids have been feral.

Maybe I am missing G.

What ever it is, I am likely to cry at the drop of a hat.

I don't tell her things because quite frankly I couldn't be bothered!!! No, I don't tell her things because she is never supportive, she is just .... Can't really think of what I want to say.

Any way, G is in Aus. My Mum lives in Aus. G didn't want my Mum to know that he was in Aus, I had no problems with that. She called this morning...

My son told her that Daddy was in Aus with his sister and that he had been there for a few days already...

Mum is not happy with me, oh well, tell me a time when she has been!

My marriage to G means more to me than anything else at the moment. That sounds bad, the way I just worded that!

Last night S called around. He just sat there, he didn't want to talk, he didn't want to do anything.

Later when I was in bed, L said that it was obvious something was up. S keeps up coming up with excuses for everything and its really pissing me off. If you can't be honest with me, forget it.

I spoke to G last night and this morning and wish he was here with me now. I think he can sense that something is up with S.

I need to tell S that there is no point in trying, its just not going to happen. My heart is with G and that's not going to change. All married couples have problems...don't they?

Come home soon G

G is now in Sydney with his sister.

While he is away he has asked me to read his emails and tell him if anything important comes up. I read something I shouldn't have read. I was hurt when I read it, then I was happy. I never thought that G would ever lie to me, but I know that he is hiding something he doesn't want me to know, except I now know. Is that why he is being so nice in regards to S?

S came around on Thursday night. L was here too. S and I sat and talked for a while, then it occurred to me...

S is just like G, in almost every way except that he is black! He wants me to be happy, he wants to give me everything, he is G all over.

I spoke to L about it. I told her that maybe I can't get into S because I want something different, I don't want another G etc.

It's meant to be my Wedding Anniversary on the 7 June. Will it mean anything to me this time round?

I have been bribing the children with 50p to go to bed, and its working!!! Today they doubled their money and got £1 because they were good for the baby sitter that came over. I hope she wasn't lying!!! She took the kids to the Art Festival and to the Fair on the green and even made cookies with the kids. She's only 15. I think she can come back again!

S says that he is calling around briefly tonight, so I need to stay up, but that's ok, L will be here too!

Am I confused?

Am I upset?

Am I homesick?

Am I jealous?

I don't know...

I don't know what to do with S. I am not sure I have feelings for him, or maybe my feelings for G are over powering. What should I do? Do I stick it out for a little longer or just call it quits now? Arrggghhhh.

I am upset with S. Can I trust him? I'm not sure. He said some things to me over the past few weeks that have been untrue and then he used the excuse that I am too gullible and that I shouldn't be etc etc. He made me upset because now I question everything he says.

Am I homesick? I am thinking that I am. G is off to Aus on Wednesday and I wish I was going too. So I suppose that makes me jealous too. He is going to see his family and I miss my MIL. I wish it was me that was getting the break from the kids. I wish it was me on that plane. I just wish it was me... But then that makes me a spoilt brat and I know I am. G has bought me a ticket back home for September when my friend L goes out. We will be going together and I will be able to see everyone, I just don't want to wait.

Was a great day. Both G and I were really settled within ourselves and we had a great talk. G also booked a trip back to Aus and will be leaving next week and returning just after my birthday.

I told G that he still turned me on, and he replied with the same thing. We talked about S and what that meant to us. G said that he was willing to have an open relationship with me, he said that he could see that S makes me happy, but he wants me to know that he still wants me.

He said that he wanted to stay married...

He said that he wanted to give me back my rings on our Anniversary in June, to which I told him I would feel really insulted if he did that.

He didn't want to be in Aus for my birthday but will be now, I told him that it was time that he thought of what he wanted instead of what I might want.

He told me to organise a babysitter for Wednesday night when he is away for work so that I can go out with S for the night.

He said that he was happy for S to come over to the house, but he didn't want the kids to meet him, to which I said I had already thought about that and I didn't want the kids to meet him either, I just don't think it is right.

He asked me if I would hold him last night when I was in bed, which I did till 3am, by then my neck was sore and I needed to roll over.

My heart belongs to G, it always will, regardless of how horrible he has been to me.

S intrigues me, but will anything happen??? I don't know.

I have a lot of baggage, and I'm not sure what S will think.

At least I don't have to hide S now, G knows that I am txting and talking to him, but he doesn't know that I work with him

I feel really happy at the moment and think that G and I are doing the best thing.

Oh, and G has started calling S, S. Little does he know that that is S's real name!!! S is just a name that means something to both of us!

To tell G that I wanted a break.

I want to get to know me again.

He said that he understood, that he was upset but I needed to do it.

Then I fell into bed with him and made mad passionate love all night, haven't done that in a long time.

This morning I just wanted to hold him.

I'm confused.

There are two people, G and S. What am I to do?

I can't pretend that I don't love G, I do...

I'm very confused now

Was a SOMEONE!

He makes me feel special.

He respects me.

He is considerate.

He is awesome

And while I had to go to work for 4 hours last night, I finished at 10.30pm and then spent the next hour with him

Even my boss commented on how happy I was and that he hasn't seen me this happy in a long time, if ever